Friday, September 26, 2003

The Failure to Find Iraqi Weapons

This is a great Editorial from the New York Times about the fact that weapons inspectors still have not found weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in Iraq. This is the reason we went to war, this is the reason our troops are over there, this is the reason we cursed the UN for not taking action. Yet, nothing can be found.

The question remains as to why Saddam didn't admit to the UN that he had no such weapons. I'm just speculating here, but could it be that domestic issues outweighed international pressures? That is, he ruled with an iron fist, relying on fear and intimidation to control his subjects. If those people knew he didn't have any such weapons and he was just another guy with some guns and an army, they may have tried a revolt. Just a thought.

The best part of the editorial comes at the end, when the Times editors relay an exchange when Secretary of State Colin Powell. When asked whether the country would have supported a war if they knew there were no WMD, Powell said it was too hypothetical to speculate. When asked if he would have supported the war under the same circumstance, he said his goodbyes.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Getting to the root of the problem

So last night, Alex comes downstairs and wakes Ellen. He wasn't feeling well and was seconds from thowing up. Which, luckily, he did in the toilet. This was apparently caused by a meatball he had for dinner that just didn't agree with him. Benjamin had the same meatball, but it had no impact on his life.

But after thowing up, a slightly shaken and fully awake Alex had only one thing to say: "Mom, I think next time I want pasta."

Monday, September 22, 2003

Taking Brides to the Extreme

So I have this idea for a magazine, let’s call it Extreme Bridal. The idea is to have a bridal magazine that’s not all about having the perfect Martha Stewart-ish wedding, but about real life. Screw the $10,000 gowns that you wear once, that only the most wealthy can afford, tell me about the knock-offs and low-brow stuff. Let’s admit that bridesmaids’ gowns are supposed to make your friends look like stuffed shrimp, what better way to make sure your guests walk out saying “she looked just beautiful.”

How about some of the real questions that need asking, such as:

Q: Should I give a blowjob on my wedding night?
A: Yes, but he’ll always want it, be sure you’re ready for THAT kind of commitment.

Q: What should I wear under the gown?
A: If you really need to ask…

Q: My fiancé has a small member, will I ever be satisfied again?
A: No, but just fake it, then call me.

Q: How can I tell him that I was once a man?
A: Rent “The Crying Game.”

Of course, we’d tackle tough issues like gay weddings. Who pays? If one wears white, should you both wear white? If it’s a mixed marriage—Republican and Democrat—should you bring Newt Gingrich as a date?

In today’s society, many couples face the long separation brought on by business travel. This is especially hard on young couples, which is why I predict my annual pull-out section on vibrators and dildos will fly off the shelves.

As for marketing events, the possibilities are endless. Imagine a kickoff event with “Kick Your Rat-Bastard Ex-Fiancé in the Balls” competition. Jilted brides line up to kick mannequins with their ex-fiancé’s picture on its head and kick them in the crotch. We’ll measure the “oomph” of each kick and give prizes to the best legs.

Then there is the “How has your mother-in-law insulted you?” competition. Bring your best lines.

Friday, September 19, 2003

I'm Only Happy When It Rains*

Today is a dreary, rainy Friday in the New England. This is the best kind of weather. But today is more than just rainy, thanks to the outskirts of former Hurricane Isabel, there is a thick overcast, leaving us in a dusk-like darkness.

I’m not sure why I love this weather, it’s just the right mood for a Friday, it contrasts well with the general euphoria associated with the end of another work week. Just as great cooking requires a balance between sweet, salty, sour and spicy, a perfect mood setting day requires contrast and balance. And that’s just what we have today.

*Garbage

Oh, by the way, on a personal note: Alex's fish "Goldie" died this morning. She was officially laid to rest in a the MWRA sewer system at 7:37am EDT. Cause of death remains unknown. In accordance with Jewish custom, an autopsy will not be performed.

Alex seems to be taking the death rather well... he flushed.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003


Can a Fish Be Depressed?

“I think she’s depressed,” my wife said last night as she peered into Goldie’s fishbowl. Goldie is, once again, living in our bedroom after a bit of potty regression. Alex is earning her back as we speak.

I looked at the fish and I must admit, she didn’t look well. She just lay there on the bottom of the bowl, hardly moving, her mouth not even doing that fishy thing. Ellen fed the little thing, but she didn’t even bother swimming to the top to pick up her flake. Whenever Alex gets up to feed her, she gets all excited and swims faster in anticipation.

Eventually, Goldie got up and moved around, convincing us she wasn’t near death, but we can’t help but wonder if she needs a little fishy Prozac.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

To prove that I'm not all about politics, here's something I found online today. Not only did Evite mess up the dates of both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but it also... well... I'll let you read for yourself.

CNET News.com: "'In addition, we also wish to apologize for having listed Yom Kippur as one of our 'Reasons To Party,'' the mea culpa continued. 'We understand and respect that Yom Kippur is a Day of Atonement, a day to be taken seriously to reflect and fast, and as such, one of the most important Jewish Holidays in the year.' "

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Buffalo News - Ashcroft's methods hurt his own cause

As Attorney General John Ashcroft moves about the country drumming up support for the Patriot Act, he's taken an interesting media stance: no print or radio interviews. That's right, only TV journalists can interview him, and only for 3 minutes.

As a former TV journalist, I object to the people who say that TV people are stupid or who say TV journalists don't get at the deeper story. Many do. But what is as telling as the medium is the length of time he's offering, 3 minutes. That allows 4, maybe 5 questions and Ashcroft can better control the interview because he can talk longer if he senses the reporter is going to ask a tough question. The very nature of TV news forces journalists to pull a good 20 to 30 second sound bite, and he's probably very good at offering a few up. That makes the coverage superficial.

Longer interviews are always better than short ones because, as a journalist, you have time to ask the same question a few ways to look for inconsistencies. You can also string together a series of answers to fill out a broader look. But just 3 minutes doesn't afford you that opportunity, not when the producer only gave you 2 minutes tell the whole story.

And one other thing, why does the Attorney General need to traipse the country looking for support for an Act that has already passed? Isn't the next test in the courts? The answer, of course, is that this is a thinly disguised campaign for Bush 43, starting his positioning as a patriotic President, one who cares only for the public's safety.

Monday, September 08, 2003

He Speaks!

Do I really need to do this? Do I really need to critique the President’s speech? I could do it line by line, but I’m not. That would give the whole charade more credit than it deserves.

I don’t believe Bush 43 lies out of malice. I don’t believe he lies because he wants to mislead the American public, while that is, in fact, the net effect. I believe he lies because he just doesn’t know any better. He’s fed a wad of bull from his handlers and he’s just not intelligent enough to see through it.

Maybe I’m the delusional one. You see, I find it difficult to believe that a sitting President would knowingly lie to the American public when it comes to putting lives in harms way. Lying about getting a blowjob? Sure, I’ll buy that. Lying about trading weapons to try and free US hostages? OK, that I’ll buy. Lying to cover up a break-in at the Democratic Headquarters? Sure. But lying to make sure the US stays at war, to make sure that $87 Billion goes to rebuilding a country we never should have invaded in the first place? That I just can’t fathom.

This is a man who has been bailed out of everything through his life. How else do you explain turning his failed businesses into a fortune? He failed at everything he touched, yet he made millions because his father’s friends stepped in to pick up the pieces. They even magically turned his 1 percent investment in the Texas Rangers into a 12 percent investment, making him very wealthy.

So Mr. President, who will bail you out this time?

Thursday, September 04, 2003

A Jog in Baghdad Offers Lessons About Life in a War Zone

Every once in a while, an article comes along that gives insight into what life is like the streets of place like Baghdad. This is one, registration is required for the New York Times, but it's free. If you're not signed up, you should be.

Stop me when I'm wrong

One of the problems being me is that I’m usually right, but often the friends and family look at me like I’m crazy. News Flash: I’m not.

Let’s take a look at the suburbs, shall we? For years I’ve been saying that I’m not a fan of the suburbs. I live in one, but I also live in one that is much more expensive than I can afford because it’s more densely populated and closer to an outer urban setting. I live right on top of my neighbor, I can walk to a downtown (albeit, a longer walk than I like) and the bus to downtown leaves just a few hundred feet from my front door.

But what I hate about the burbs is the car culture, the necessity that we must drive no matter where we go. It’s become a necessity in the northeast because of the weather. Unless you have easy access to a subway, you’re walking or standing outside in freezing cold temperatures in February. During my short time in New York I found the subway a liberating experience because I could walk to a place, travel without being fully exposed to the elements, and be dropped within a few blocks of my destination. Of course, there was always walking (at least one or two miles a day) with the option of dropping into a store if I got too cold, wet or tired.

In the burbs, you get in your car, drive to where you’re going, walk 10 or 12 yards, get back in your car and go somewhere else. Sometimes, you don’t even get out of your car, how is that healthy? Humans weren’t designed for this, they were designed to move.

That’s why the medical studies released today are interesting. They suggest that suburban living leads to obesity and health problems. I could have told them that years ago when I wrote a letter to the Ramapo Town Supervisor asking why the town didn’t have many sidewalks. He answered that the town was working to supply more (most of those in the Hassidic and Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods) but the unspoken answer was that people just wouldn’t use them. Walking in the suburbs isn’t fun, not because people don’t want to do it, but because nothing is built to human scale. It’s hard to carry home your dry cleaning or groceries when you need to walk a mile just to get to the store. It’s different if you’re walking a mile and able to do these things along your way home. Same mile, different perception. It’s part of what makes urban settings human.

The problem with urban living, however, is the schools. Here in Boston, the city schools are inferior (unless your kid gets into Boston Latin) to those in the burbs. However, there are urban environments where the schools are quite good, such as Cambridge and Brookline. This double positive comes at a steep price, most middle income people are priced out of such cities. If you’d like a nice house, not big, just nice, in one of these areas, be prepared to spend upwards of $700,000 or more. That doesn’t leave much for the average wage earner to use to live. There are nice, walkable communities, such as Newton, Lexington, Belmont, Waltham, Watertown, etc. But those with good schools are expensive, those without are less so.

The price of everything, however, comes down to schools. If we were to raise all schools to the highest level perhaps people would live where they want to live rather than where they need to live, and that would even the financial playing field. But instead of spending our money on schools, we’re handing over more than $2 billion to private firms to rebuild Iraq, we’re sending troops around the world like some conquering hero and we’re giving tax breaks to the rich. This happens even as schools are laying off teachers, cutting drama and music programs and eliminating physical education. It’s no wonder we’re growing obese.