Can we be secure?

At the congressional office building in Washington, DC, a place that you’d think has pretty good security, a person suspected of carrying a gun, picked up their bag and ran through the building. Security personnel lost the person. Turns out the gun was plastic and there was no mal intent. Which means the person wasn't running, but still got away.

As if that’s not bad enough, the next step intrigues me: they evacuated the building.

On the surface of it, that makes sense. But if a person is carrying a gun with malicious intent, shouldn't it be assumed that the intent is to kill an individual? And if you evacuate the building, aren’t you moving the individual beyond the boundaries of security?

Now let’s assume the intent was to kill as many people as possible. So if you move them all outside, isn’t it easier to detonate a bomb in a street than inside a building? Knowing that security personnel evacuate a building when there’s trouble, isn’t that a way to lure people do their deaths?

Which all raises the question, are we living too much in fear of our own shadow?

Bush League: Learning the Basics of Marketing

Strong, bold statements get attention. It’s one of the basic tenants of marketing. You don’t get noticed by saying “Our product is only marginally better than the competition,” you get noticed by claiming to be twice as good, or being favored overwhelmingly in a survey.

Of course, you must back up these claims. One way is to make your test skew in your favor, or point out how your product works in optimal conditions. Walk-talkie makers do this all the time, touting how their system works over an amazing distance, so long as it’s at night with no hills, cars, people, animals, plants or lights in the way. Of course, the second part is in small print.

Anything with a reward starts with a risk, and the risk of the bold statement is that if it’s proven untrue it could be used against you. Competitors often do it, bringing out their own data to show your product isn’t as good as you claim. Maybe a watchdog group will do it as well, leaving you with a sudden crisis where a campaign once stood.

This brings us to May 1, 2003, when Bush 43 landed on the deck of the carrier Abraham Lincoln decked out in a flight suit and declaring an end to the war in Iraq. A bold image and a bold statement, to be sure. A banner, made by the White House but it’s origins in dispute, declared “Mission Accomplished.” The Democrats hammered at this audacity every chance they could, many using at as a cornerstone of the 2004 Presidential bid.

We know what happens next, the death toll in Iraq continues to mount, our troops don’t come home, the mission is not accomplished and the image of Bush 43 landing on a carrier is seen as the ultimate in arrogance.

Now, Bush himself is trying to distance himself from the fiasco, blaming his advance crew—which originally took credit for just about everything in breathless articles. In fact, it was the advance team (according to Democratic Presidential candidate John F. Kerry) that positioned the President so every camera angle showed the “Mission Accomplished” sign.

Of course, as Nixon taught us, politicians are products and are marketed as such. My advice now: Rebrand.

Quote of the day: Zimmer Is the First to Leave in What Could Be an Exodus: "'Of course I was disappointed,' Steinbrenner said through his spokesman, Howard Rubenstein. 'But we will be meeting soon to make whatever changes are needed to bring back a stronger, better team for New York and our fans. You can count on it.'"

This is George Steinbrenner, primary owner of the New York Yankees quoted in the New York Times in response to Don Zimmer's leaving the team. Zimmer claims he was mistreated by Steinbrenner over the last year. Why doe this make me laugh? How much better can the Yankees get? This team dominates, yaer after year, and has 26 World Series Championships to its credit. Considering there have only been 99 World Series played, that's an incredible statistic. Even a Yankee hater like myself must admire that.

Any other owner would say something like "We've had a great year and played some wonderful games. The loss stings, but we'll be back next year just as strong, and hopefully, won't come up just short of our goal."

What’s Possible is Not Always Feasible

One of the fascinating things about the technology industry is what is possible. It’s possible to make electronic paper and carry a years worth of text books on a single chip, it’s possible to have doors that open like on Star Trek and computers that talk to you, it’s possible to travel faster than the speed of sound and send people to the moon.

But what is actually necessary? This is the question that people struggle with and why so many technology companies come out with something that looks incredible but never becomes commercially viable. Is it really so cumbersome to open a door? Do we really need to spend money retrofitting offices or retooling construction to put in powered pocket doors that open with a neat “swoosh?” How much is it worth to manufacture e-books and is it worth the extra cost? Don’t people expect e-books to be cheaper than their physical counterparts?

Probably the best example of this is the Concorde, which finishes it’s life today. With the landing of the last of the planes at Heathrow Airport in London comes the end of commercial supersonic travel. It made so much sense on paper, a plane that can whisk people around the world and save them time. The European manufacturers figured airlines would be lined up for the new technology. But not only did they run into civil opposition—most countries didn’t want flights made over land because of the sonic booms and loud noise—but the planes were expensive to buy and maintain. This made ticket prices more expensive. How much is a few hours more of your time worth? It’s a simple calculation and one that doomed the jetliner from the start.

That does not mean, however, that we should tie research and development to business. Xerox has done wonders for technology with its independent Palo Alto Research Group (PARC), the place that pioneered the computer mouse, the graphical user interface and electronic paper. Not all of these things made sense for the Xerox product lines, but it did make sense for Steven Jobs and Bill Gates. Whooshing pocket doors don’t make sense for the typical suburban office park, but may make sense for a place where both space and privacy are at a premium, like a submarine or moon base. Then again, does it make sense to send people to the moon? Who knows.

Return of the King

This week could mark the return of the once and future king of Jets world, Chad Pennington. This kid is amazing, he has an arm, touch and intelligence. He also has the confidence and energy to ignite a team, exactly what the lackadaisical offence needs. With a 2 and 4 record, the Jets are not out of it yet. I’d love to see them make another run for the one ring that rules them all.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

Fall in New England, the changing of the leaves on the trees, dropping temperature, and now, SNOW! Yes, we had snow today. Not much of it stuck to the ground, but it still was annoying.

My office opens, officially, at 8:30 a.m. As of 8:40 this morning, only four of us stood in our little corner of the office. This is an area usually bustling with about 18 people. Of the four of us, only two live locally, one drives in from more than an hour north and the other is originally from California, what does she know about snow?

Hey folks, this is New England, it snows, GET USED TO IT!

Vulgar. To expel intestinal gas through the anus; break wind.

Such is the American Heritage Dictionary definition of “fart.” The word is nothing new, even Chaucer wrote about “fartyng” in one of Canterbury Tales. But oh, to be 4. This new word is worthy of all the giggles in the world!

The other night, after a nice bath, Alex started to giggle and told me that he “farted.” It was the first time I’d heard him use the world, so I asked him where he heard it.

“Joey,” he said confidently, still giggling. “But you can only say fart in the bathroom,” he continued. I thought this was a good idea.

So Wednesday, Ellen hears him walking around the house saying “fart, fart fart” and giggling to himself. She reminds him of the bathroom talk, at which point he disappears. He returns a few minutes later to inform Ellen that he was in the bathroom saying “fart.”

True Sports Pain

I thought I understood sports pain. My life has been spent rooting for the Mets and the Jets, two perennial losers who only show occasional glimpses of hope. I lived in Yankee Country, a place that made you feel small even when your team won. They laugh at the team in Queens, calling them minor leaguers or just dismissing them as a joke. It’s that arrogance that leads half of New York to hate its own American League team.

As an immigrant to Red Sox Nation, I have a unique perspective. I know what it’s like to root against them, I know what it’s like to root for other teams in other cities. But until last night, I never knew what true pain was. Watching the Red Sox give away the season, to search out defeat when victory was so close at hand, was perhaps the most painful sports experience of my life. This was worse than watching the Jets drop the AFC Championship to the Broncos. This was worse than seeing the Mets fall to last place for most of my childhood.

With the Sox up 4 to 1 I found myself bouncing around the house. Not out of joy, but out of fear. I just wanted this game over, I wanted it to move fast, I wanted the Yankees to just sit down. Each out brought me one step closer to nirvana. I wanted to stick it to all the Yankee Fans who jeered me over the years, all the fans who greet me with the “1918” cheer, or the joke “What’s the difference between Yankee franks and Fenway Franks? They serve Yankee Franks in October.” I wanted the chance to tell them that the real difference is that they’re still serving Fenway Franks.

At one point I found myself sitting on the back of my couch, rocking back and forth, staring at the score Fox Sports leaves at the top of the screen. The dog, which was trying to sleep in the living room floor, kept staring at me, ears perked, sitting up straight.

After watching me move, stand up, sit down pace… the dog finally tried to find solace behind the couch. But, of course, that wasn’t a sanctuary, as my meanderings brought me there as well. He sat up, swatted me with his paw… I rubbed his head a bit and went back to the screen.

In the 7th I hoped that Pedro would come out. I wanted to see a new pitcher, I didn’t care who it was. Everyone in Boston knows that in this game, you need to pull Pedro before there is trouble, he needs to come out now, before he starts to get batted around. But no, he stays for the 7th and as we enter the bottom of the 8th, it’s 5 to 2.

Pedro comes out and I can’t believe it. Frankly, no one can. One out. good, good, good. Jeter comes up, whaps a hit. Now I know we’re in trouble, the Bronx fans are back into it. This is not what we need. Embree and Timlin are warming, so Pedro’s going to get pulled, right? Grady Little comes out of the dugout, this is it, we’re going to shut these guys down now, right? Wrong! Not until the game is tied does Pedro come out! Now, even if the Sox manage to pull out a victory the Yankee fans had the chance to jeer Pedro. The worst part is, he actually pitched a good game, but with 120 pitches he never should have been in the game!

I call Andy, it’s now about 11 at night, and simply scream in frustration, I pound the kitchen counter (my movements brought me to a different TV). I hear the dog get up and retreat to the bedroom to sleep at the foot of the bed, something he NEVER does. I guess I was just too much to take. That’s around the time that my wife shut the door and pulled the covers over her head.

The rest of the game is simply a blur, each inning the Sox come up, each inning they sit down. I know it’s going to come down to a homerun, I can feel that it’s a Yankee victory coming.

It takes me an hour after the game to come down, the pain is simply too great. This wasn’t Destiny, as New York fans would have you believe, this was utter stupidity.

I’ve never felt such pain when it comes to a sporting event. Only Cubs fans can understand.

Oh, the Agony of October

I can’t imagine being a full-blown Cubs fan and managing to get out of bed this morning. This has to be the most disheartening year ever. Never mind the black cat of ’69 or the collapse of ’84. This is worse. Going up on the upstart Marlins 3 games to 1, only to not manage to get that final victory, the one that seemed so close for every game.

That poor Cubs fan whose outstretched hand touched the ball that seemed destined to land in Moises Alou’s glove for a second out will forever be blamed in this loss. But as Fox pointed out last night, many other hands were reaching out at the same time, his is jus the one that touched the ball.

But it’s the Cubs who did themselves in. They gave the Marlins chances when they shouldn’t have. Kerry Wood pitched way too late into the 7th game just as Mark Prior pitched way too late into Game 6. You can’t give up 8 runs in an inning and still take it all. If you’re Kerry Wood, you can’t throw pitches all over the place early in the game (30 pitches in the first inning alone) and still hang on. And you can’t rely on your pitcher to supply all the runs.

Now it’s up to the Sox to salvage something from the season. One game, do or die, winner take all, clichés up the ying-yang. But if they lose this, I don’t know if I can watch the Marlins against the Yankees. If the Marlins had dominated the Cubs and won in 5, I may have been ready to root for them, but when the Cubs looked so close and lost in a heartbreaker, I don’t know if I can do it now.

One day I may be able to explain to my son why I root for losing teams, but I still don’t understand it. Jets, Mets, Red Sox, Cubs… I even rooted for the Raiders in the last Superbowl believing that I’d finally picked a winner… I didn’t.

Fandom
Last night’s Cubs game was far more painful than the Sox game. At least the Sox started losing early, but for the Cubs to let up 8 in the 8th is just horrendous. I pray that they win just so that one fan who made the error of reaching for the ball can get off without being the next goat of the city.

He did what any of us would do. How many times have we seen balls go into the stands with hands all around trying to reach for it? How many times have the fans caused a homerun? Like a 12 year old in Yankee Stadium who stole an out from the Orioles in 96, or the guy who put his hand out in front of the foul pole giving the Sox their homerun just a week ago.

Please, Chicago, don’t blame the fan. Yes, if they had gotten the out then there would have been 2. It doesn’t mean the Marlins would have lost, it only means they would have had one more out.

Random Thoughts

California Recall

Let me get this straight. California is going to get rid of a guy who screwed with the state in ways that are not criminal in favor of a guy who screws with women in ways that are potentially criminal. Is there anyone out there who understands this?

Security?

I have this 120lb dog that we got when we lived across from a crack house in Binghamton. It made my wife feel better. So a guy in a New York housing project keeps a tiger in a bedroom. Now that’s a tough neighborhood.

Baseball

Can’t the Red Sox just win a game? Do they need to make the fans sweat so much? As Dan Rather would say, they have to be pushed up against the stove, shirttail on fire with the taxman pounding at the door. Still, they won. I don’t know if my heart can take another series.

I’ll say this for the Sox, they’re playing more like a team than anything I’ve seen in a long time. These guys respect one another, they’re humming, they know what needs to get done and do it. They support one another, shave each other’s heads, and are there to lean on. This is a true team. Even Manny is becoming part of it and showing some emotion. If games are won on heart, these guys should come out on top.

But even if the Evil Empire manages a victory, at least the National League is full of upstarts. The Cubs lose 95 games last year and come back to win their first post season series since the Wright Brothers were still showing off their flying machine and Henry Ford introduced America to the Model T. The Marlins were a long shot in the beginning of the season but came around to knock out my sleeper choice, the Phillies, to find themselves in the post season.

Does anyone remember Back to the Future 2? Michael J. Fox is in the future and looks up to see that the Cubs beat Miami to win the series. He’s amazed that Florida has a team, the guy there is amazed that the Cubs actually won. Wasn’t that movie supposed to take place in 2015 or something like that?

Welcome to the future.

Schwarzenegger Says He's 'Behaved Badly' and Apologizes

I know I don't live in California, and having an opinion on such a distant election is like having an opinion on the next Prime Minister of England, but is anyone actually surprised that Schwarzenegger is a womanizer? Here is a guy who spent years in the gym and then took on leading roles as an actor. There are women out there who are attracted to power, they're the same women who become groupies trying to sleep with the hottest rocker. I'm sure there are men who behave the same way, trying to score with the likes of Madonna or Courtney Love, though I doubt they succeed often.

Let's face it guys, a man's mind turns to mush when he's offered free sex (not that I've ever been offered free sex, maybe I can get that Axe body spray... hey, maybe that's what Arnold uses). So if you spend most of your 20s surrounded by women who want to give you free sex, then you're going to have a skewed view of what women are really like. His interview in Oui pointed this out.

Apparently, the people from California get it. They're basically taking a "yeah, so what" attitude. In fact, it appears that most people around the country take sexual escapades in stride. Just look at the Monica "scandal" that plagued the Clinton White House. When it really came down to it, he didn't suffer much because the country didn't think he should.

This doesn't diminish the suffering the women went through. Once, while a writer at a Boston TV station, I made a comment about video to an editor who then slammed the door and shouted at me, telling me that no one liked working with me. A few months later I found out that most of the editing crew wanted this guy fired because he was a lousy person and a lousy editor, and they told me it was him, not me. Still, for a long time I didn't want to be in the same room with the guy, it made me uncomfortable. It's not the same thing as being molested, but it did give me a taste of what it must be like for women suffering harassment.

Still, it's tough to compare a scandal stemming from a lie about a presidential blowjob to a lie that results in the death of American soldiers.

Coping with All the Ladies: The AXE Wearers Handbook

This is a great piece of advertising. The theme is, if you wear Axe Bodyspray, women will be all over you, so here's how to handle it. I like the tips on avoiding rugburn and escaping overtures by your friend's mom. I'd like to see how to turn a fivesome into a threesome, but I don't have access. I guess I'm just not cool enough.

But the best part is the author. If this guy could get women, I'm in.

Ah, to Dream

I'd love to see the Cubs beat down the Braves in the NLDS. Part of me also wants to see the Marlins take down the Giants, though I'm still pissed about Florida having that firesale after winning the World Series a few years back. The move lacked class. But this team is new, young and fresh, so I'm willing to offer a little forgiveness.

I'm not willing to forgive the Phillies, who should have made a stronger run at the Braves.

Then of course, there's the American League, where I'd love to see the Sox win (of course) and the Twins walk away from the House that Ruth Built with the ALDS firmly in hand. Contract THIS Bud Selig.

Why is this such a dream? Because if all these victories happen, it becomes a total underdog championship series, which means that all the teams that could make it to the series are darlings. The only downside to the Twins winning is that if the Sox beat the Athletics, they won't have to go through NY to get to the series, making any victory they have to get there seem almost hollow... they must exorcize their demons.

It's early, we all get to dream. But I must also face my fears, and a Yankee World Series victory makes me cringe. I'd also hate to see another Battle of the Bay, with Oakland and San Francisco battling it out for Bart supremacy.